Of Bad Days and Butterbeer
by Jedi Goat
Summary: Star WarsHarry Potter crossover. TPM characters wind up at Hogwarts and stir up trouble...with a mop!


**Of Bad Days and Butterbeer**

Jedi Goat

Disclaimer - I don't own Star Wars, Harry Potter or Xerox. Or anything else mentioned here...

Author's Note - Eh...don't ask. Was hyped up on sugar when I wrote this ;) Guess who's having the bad day!

**19/12/09 **- Minor edit. Warning: randomness ahead!

* * *

A shiny silver ship arced through the void of hyperspace. The sleek Nubian raced toward Coruscant. Tension was high within the Nubian, and everyone wanted to arrive at Coruscant as quickly as possible. The fate of Naboo depended on it.

Two Jedi Knights accompanied the pilot in the cockpit. They were eerily calm in the present situation, standing off to the side behind the pilot manning the controls. An awed nine-year-old boy watched the pilot, absorbing the tidbits of information the pilot gave him on the ship's functions.

Abruptly, there was a loud BANG, and the white blur outside formed into the individual glows of stars.

"We've exited hyperspace," stated the pilot, worriedly checking over the controls. "We're nowhere near there yet - the hyperdrive must be malfunctioning."

"I'll go see," offered the younger of the Jedi. He swept out of the room.

The pilot, Ric Olié, quickly shut down the hyperdrive. "Check our coordinates," he ordered.

The second Jedi called up a star map and leaned over, observing the hologram of space. "We're far off course," he said softly, indicating the beacon of light that represented the ship's position. "We're near Dantooine."

"If we have to go through normal space, it'll take several days to reach Coruscant." The concern was evident in Ric's voice.

"What happened?" wondered Anakin, the pilot's worry mirrored on his young face.

"We're not sure yet," Qui-Gon said.

Anakin glanced up at the Jedi Master. "Is there anything I can do? I can fix anything."

Qui-Gon smiled slightly. "You could offer your help to Obi-Wan."

"Okay!" Anakin raced out of the cockpit. He'd never worked with a hyperdrive before, but he'd created a podracer and a protocol droid. Anakin felt assured that he could help somehow.

On his way to the hyperdrive generator room, Anakin nearly ran into Padmé as she slipped out of the Queen's chamber. He skidded to a halt in front of Padmé.

"Annie! What happened?" Padmé asked.

"I think the hyperdrive shorted out. We dropped out of hyperspace," Anakin relayed quickly.

"Oh " Anakin didn't give her time to reply. He took her hand and pulled Padmé down the hall.

Anakin and Padmé burst into the generator room to see Obi-Wan already examining the hyperdrive.

"We came to help!" Anakin gasped.

"Maybe you can restrain Jar Jar," Obi-Wan supplied, pointing to the frantic Gungan charging around the room, screaming "Weesa gonna dieeeee!"

Anakin stepped into Jar Jar's path, ready to block him. However, the Gungan didn't seem to notice him. Anakin's eyes widened and he jumped out of the way.

Jar Jar tripped over Anakin's foot and flew into the air, arms pinwheeling wildly.

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

Jar Jar slammed into Obi-Wan and latched onto the shocked Jedi apprentice. Their momentum carried them forward and they crashed into the hyperdrive. Obi-Wan smacked his head on the hyperdrive and fell unconscious. Jar Jar continued screaming and hanging onto Obi-Wan for dear life. Immediately, the hyperdrive jolted to life, pale blue lights flickering on. Anakin stared at it in astonishment. "Whoa, I never thought that hitting it would work."

Just as the words were out of his mouth, the ship jerked forward. Anakin and Padmé tumbled to the floor.

Meanwhile, back in the cockpit, Ric Oli stared as the stars blurred together into the white backdrop that was hyperspace. "We're back in action!" he crowed. Then he caught sight of a blinking screen. "Wait a minute! Those aren't the coordinates for Coruscant!" Ric rapidly went to work, trying to overrule the hyperspace jump. "I can't override it!"

"How long will the flight take?" Qui-Gon inquired calmly.

Ric consulted the controls. "Fifteen minutes."

"Then we'll just have to wait."

At that moment, Anakin charged into the room. "Master Qui-Gon! Come quick!"

Qui-Gon followed the anxious boy out of the room. His long strides matched Anakin's hurried pace.

"I think Obi-Wan's hurt," Anakin explained as they went. Qui-Gon frowned and increased his speed. He reached the hyperdrive generator before Anakin and pressed the button to open the door.

Qui-Gon quickly took in the scene. Jar Jar, having finally fainted from screaming, was hanging on to Obi-Wan, who was out cold and leaning against the hyperdrive. Padmé was dragging Jar Jar away.

"Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked, kneeling down beside Obi-Wan. "Are you all right?"

Obi-Wan slowly woke up. "Ugghh... Master?"

Qui-Gon frowned. "Obi-Wan, why does it say 'Xerox' on your forehead?"

"Wha-?"

Anakin started snickering. The purple bruise on Obi-Wan's head from hitting the hyperdrive clearly read, 'Xerox'.

"A walking advertisement!" Anakin supplied.

A buzz alerted Qui-Gon to the message on his comlink. He pulled out his comlink and answered, "Hello?"

Ric Oli 's voice floated over them. "There's a planet straight ahead!"

Qui-Gon stood up. "Stay here," he ordered Anakin and Padmé . The Jedi Master headed back to the cockpit.

When Qui-Gon arrived, he saw that they had reemerged from hyperspace. A blue and green planet filled the front view screen. Qui-Gon stood behind Ric, observing the planet silently.

"Should we land?" wondered Ric. "The planet is uncharted. It could be hostile, but we should take a look at the hyperdrive..." He trailed off.

Qui-Gon nodded firmly. "Land."

Ric Oli complied, preparing the ship for docking. Qui-Gon strode out of the room, heading back to the hyperdrive generator.

Padmé was busily wrapping a piece of orange cloth around Obi-Wan's head. "Now no one can see the Xerox," she said.

"But now you look like a pirate!" Anakin laughed.

"Is that better than being a walking advertisement?" Obi-Wan asked dryly.

"Well... it's much cooler?" Anakin shrugged.

They glanced up, noticing Qui-Gon.

"We're making a stop on an uncharted planet," Qui-Gon explained.

Jar Jar woke up. "Oooh... meesa no feel so good."

"He's a menace!" Obi-Wan sighed bitterly. He gazed pleadingly at Qui-Gon. "Master..."

"No, Padawan, you may not hit him," Qui-Gon said sternly.

Suddenly, the ship bucked, and the Jedi, Padmé, Anakin and Jar Jar slid forward. Qui-Gon used the Force to steady himself and headed to the cockpit. He sensed the others following behind him. Jar Jar grabbed onto the doorframe to stay upright. "Hey, wait for meesa!" he called, but the others continued stumbling ahead. "How wude," Jar Jar muttered.

A few minutes later, the lithe silver ship penetrated the planet's atmosphere, sunlight glinting off the ship's shiny surface. Anakin, Padmé, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Ric watched from the cockpit.

While the others stared in awe, the Jedi scanned the landscape for a suitable landing spot. Obi-Wan indicated a forested area. "Land there."

Ric carefully guided the ship toward the ground. However, the ship suddenly jolted uncooperatively, and then the hum of the engines died.

Ric cast a panicked look over the controls. "We've lost control!"

The ship hovered ominously for a moment, and then plummeted to the ground above an open area of green hills. An old, gnarled tree rushed up to ensconce the ship in its greedy, tangled branches.

CRUNCH!

Padmé and Anakin stumbled as the ship crashed into the tree. Qui-Gon gripped the pilot chair in front of him and frowned at the deactivated controls.

THUD!

"What was that?" Anakin asked in a small voice. His eyes grew wide as a branch slammed into the side of the cockpit. He dived to the ground, covering his head with his hands. "Are we dead yet?"

Ric tried to restart the engine, but to no avail. The ship shook as the enraged tree continued to pummel it.

Qui-Gon put a hand on the terrified pilot's shoulder. "Keep trying," he ordered in a calm voice.

Turning to Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon added, "Padawan, go see if the ramp is blocked. We need to get off the ship."

Obi-Wan nodded and lurched out of the cockpit, just as a blow indented the metal side of the cockpit.

The tree pounded on the ship, and suddenly the roof of the cockpit seemed a lot lower. Padmé's face was white as she clung onto the console, hoping fervently that they would survive the encounter with the monstrous tree.

A knotted branch flew toward the windscreen like a gigantic fist. Padmé raised her arms to protect her face from the shattering glass. A moment passed. Slowly, she lowered her hands and gaped at the branch, frozen in midair.

Peering downward, Padmé noticed three figures in black robes standing below them. The first, a boy with messy jet-black hair, gestured wildly at them. He seemed to be shouting something, but Padmé couldn't hear.

Qui-Gon picked Anakin up by the arm. "Let's go," he instructed.

Padmé and Ric followed the Jedi Master and Anakin down the corridor. "Go find the others," Qui-Gon called to Ric. The pilot nodded and sprinted down the hall toward the Queen's throne room.

Meanwhile, Qui-Gon headed to the exit, where Obi-Wan was peering worriedly out a view screen. He glanced up at Qui-Gon and shook his head ruefully.

"We can't lower the ramp. There are branches blocking the way."

Jar Jar loped toward them, looking around uncertainly. "Qui-Gon! Meesa been searching for yousa! Big noises making meesa berry, berry scared!"

The Gungan latched onto Qui-Gon, who quickly dislodged Jar Jar as Ric approached with the Queen, her handmaidens, and the crew.

Qui-Gon nodded respectfully to them. Abruptly, a branch pummeled the ship's roof, sending a shower of debris down on the group. Qui-Gon whirled around and shouted, "Lower the ramp!"

Obi-Wan punched in the command, and slowly, the ramp slid out. Outside, they could see the tree's branches waving fiercely and slamming into the ship.

The Jedi Padawan strode out, igniting his lightsaber. A branch whipped down to crush him. Obi-Wan sliced up with his blue blade, and the tree flailed its stumpy appendage in anger.

"Hurry!" Obi-Wan yelled. Anakin took Padmé's hand and ran forward. He pulled Padmé to the edge of the ramp. Her breath caught in her throat when she noticed how far below the ground seemed. Anakin paused, shocked.

Another branch whipped forward, trying to trip them. Obi-Wan's lightsaber was a blur as he slashed at the branch and then turned to attack another.

Anakin took a deep breath and then jumped. Padmé bit back a yelp as she fell. As the ground neared, her fall seemed to slow until her feet lightly touched the grass. Padmé looked up in surprise and saw the three people continuing to help them. A girl with bushy brown hair was murmuring something quickly under her breath as she was pointing a stick at Jar Jar, who was screaming in terror as he fell. Immediately he slowed as well, and landed softly on the ground.

"Meesa is forever grateful!" gasped Jar Jar, rushing forward to embrace the girl. She gave him an annoyed look, before returning her attention to the plummeting crew.

Padmé gently grabbed Anakin by the arm and moved him out of range of the others as they continued to drop.

Obi-Wan ducked a branch aimed at his head and yelled back to Qui-Gon, "Is that everyone?"

Qui-Gon paused, testing the Force. "Yes, Padawan."

Obi-Wan whirled around to fend off another rogue twig. Unfortunately, he didn't notice a thin branch coiling around his leg.

"AHHHHHH!" he yelled as the branch unbalanced him. Obi-Wan fell over, dropping his lightsaber in the process. The branch dragged him across the ramp.

"MASTERRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Qui-Gon tried to fight his way to his Padawan, but the branches quickly surrounded him. Obi-Wan latched onto the edge of the ramp and held on for dear life.

The branch tugged hard, struggling to pull Obi-Wan down. Suddenly, the twig released Obi-Wan. He glanced down, and saw the branch escaping with his boot.

"My boot!"

A branch whipped toward his head, and Obi-Wan had no choice but to let go. He tumbled through the tree's branches and then landed with a THUD on the ground. He groaned and slowly got to his feet.

"I am not having a good day today," Obi-Wan lamented. Anakin walked up to him, smirking.

"Nice socks, girly man."

"Huh?" Obi-Wan glanced down.

"You have pink socks?" Padmé stared at him, amused.

"This is not a good day," Obi-Wan sighed. Then his boot fell on his head, and he fainted.

"Poor Obi-Wan," Padmé said, shaking her head ruefully.

Qui-Gon allowed the branches to corner him on the edge of the ramp. He chanced a peek down to make sure it was clear. Then, with a final slash at the branches, he drew on the Force to help him leap off, back flip in midair, and land lightly on the ground.

He clipped his lightsaber back on his belt and looked around. The crew and the Queen seemed safe.

Qui-Gon turned to their rescuers, three young humans in black robes. One was a boy with tousled black hair and glasses, the second a tall boy with bright red hair and freckles, and the third a girl with bushy brown hair.

"Thank you," Qui-Gon said simply, nodding politely. Then, he heard a loud THUD, and turned to see his Padawan lying unconscious under the tree, his boot resting beside his head. Anakin and Padmé were staring in shock.

"Excuse me for a moment," Qui-Gon told the trio, striding quickly over to Obi-Wan. He knelt down and gingerly touched the new welt on his Padawan's cheek.

"You should take him to the hospital wing," suggested the bushy-haired girl, stepping forward. Qui-Gon looked up.

"What are your names?" he inquired casually.

"I'm Hermione, and they're Harry and Ron," the girl replied.

Qui-Gon nodded, "Hermione, could you escort me to the hospital wing?"

Hermione nodded brightly. Qui-Gon gently picked up the limp figure of his Padawan (and replaced his boot) and followed Hermione as she headed toward a castle.

The grand, ancient castle had a kind of magical beauty around it. Qui-Gon and Hermione walked quickly inside.

There were many robed figures milling around inside, shooting curious glances at the threesome as they raced up the moving staircases. Qui-Gon silently observed the moving and speaking portraits on the walls, the stairs that moved of their own accord, and the young people around him as he wove through the crowd.

Hermione led Qui-Gon up several flights of stairs, and then she turned down a brightly lit corridor and burst into the room at the end.

Qui-Gon followed. He assumed that the neat, clean room filled with beds was the hospital wing. A woman dressed in a white gown bustled professionally toward them. She instantly took notice of Obi-Wan.

"Over here," she called, indicating a bed. Qui-Gon put Obi-Wan down on the bed. The woman clucked her tongue when she noticed the bruise growing on his cheek.

"What happened this time?" the lady asked, applying some type of ointment.

"He got hit in the head with a boot," Qui-Gon informed her.

"Students these days," sighed the woman. She frowned at the orange bandana Obi-Wan was wearing. She quickly undid it and blinked.

"Xerox? What's that?" Qui-Gon just shrugged. The woman continued to treat the two bruises.

Once she finished bandaging Obi-Wan's head, the woman ushered Hermione and Qui-Gon out of the room, saying, "The bruises should be fine, but we should wait until he wakes up to make sure there is no further damage."

Before Qui-Gon could reply, the wooden door shut in front of him. He turned back to Hermione.

"Let's go back to the others," she suggested.

Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were explaining to the crew where they were. Padmé found it all quite unbelievable. They were apparently at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry on the planet Earth. The only thing that made sense was that technology didn't work at Hogwarts, which explained why the ship had suddenly stopped functioning.

Padmé glanced up from Harry and Ron's demonstration of the spell wingardium leviosa to see Qui-Gon and Hermione striding across the grounds toward them. Ron turned to see them approach, forgetting about the levitated Harry.

"Oof!" Harry crashed to the ground.

"Oh, oops," Ron said sheepishly.

Hermione ran forward to help Harry to his feet. "Ron!" she said in annoyance, but before they could start arguing, Harry stepped in.

"Why don't we go down to Hogsmede and get a butterbeer?"

"What's butterbeer?" wondered Anakin. "Can I have some? Is it good?"

Harry grinned. "It's this really warm, buttery drink. You'll have to try it for yourself."

Anakin looked excited.

Padm glanced worriedly at Harry. "It's not real beer, is it?"

"No," he assured with a grin.

Harry, Ron and Hermione led the others to the Hogwarts gates. Harry pushed open the wrought iron gate and gestured them through.

Anakin looked up at the twin winged boar statues in awe. They proceeded down a cobblestone pathway that led to a small, bustling town. Anakin moved closer to Padmé and Qui-Gon, while he continued to stare around at the small shops lining the busy street.

"This way," Harry called, heading toward a welcoming wooden building. He pushed open the door and the others filed in.

"Welcome to the Three Broomsticks," Ron announced, sitting down at a wide round table.

Anakin sat with the others around the table. He was observing the warm surroundings in what he hoped was a cool Jedi manner, but really beamed in excitement.

A woman with curly fiery hair escaping its bun approached their table. "How may I help you?"

"Good day, Madame Rosmerta," Hermione said cheerfully.

Harry nodded, "A round of butterbeer, please."

Madame Rosmerta nodded and departed to serve another customer. Anakin continued his observation, staring wide-eyed at the merry décor of the bar. Abruptly Anakin got the feeling that someone was watching him. He gazed around wildly and saw a man enveloped in a black cloak leering at him from the table Madame Rosmerta had just left. Anakin stared back defiantly, but Madame Rosmerta returned with a few glasses of a light brown liquid, and Anakin was distracted.

He accepted a cup and took a tentative sip of the bubbly liquid. A warm feeling arose within him and he quickly downed the rest of the butterbeer. He set down the mug and noticed Padmé staring at him.

"What?" Anakin asked.

Padmé smiled slightly. "It's that good, is it?"

Anakin blushed, nodding down to his empty glass. Padmé gave a small melodic laugh. Anakin felt warm inside, and he signaled to Madame Rosmerta to bring him another butterbeer.

A few minutes later, Qui-Gon stood. He turned to Harry. "Thank you for your kindness," he said politely, "but I must return to check on my Padawan."

Qui-Gon bowed slightly and left, his robes swirling behind him. Anakin wondered briefly if he should go with Qui-Gon, but just then, Madame Rosmerta handed him another butterbeer. Anakin decided that no one would mind if he stayed, and he had Padmé and the crew with him. Anakin happily took another long drink. _Butterbeer is really good,_ he thought.

Unbeknown to them all, a dark figure observed the scene in silence. Then he strode out of the Three Broomsticks, determined to complete the mission he had chased the Nubian across the galaxy for.

-

Back at Hogwarts, Qui-Gon was searching for Obi-Wan. His Padawan had not been in the hospital wing, and now Qui-Gon was scoping the castle for the elusive Jedi apprentice.

Qui-Gon descended a staircase into the darker dungeons of Hogwarts. He noted how the clean floor seemed to glow in the gloom. He saw a figure up ahead and quickened his pace. Sure enough, Obi-Wan was scrubbing furiously at the floor with a mop.

"Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked incredulously. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning the floor, what does it look like?" Obi-Wan said sarcastically in an annoyed voice.

A grubby man with long, tangled hair stomped forward out of the shadows and clapped Obi-Wan on the shoulder. "That'll teach you to wear your uniform in school, eh?" he grinned.

"I've already told you I DON'T GO TO THIS SCHOOL!" Obi-Wan snarled, brandishing his mop.

"Why don't we speak to your head of house about lying?" smirked the caretaker, grabbing Obi-Wan by the arm. "Which house are you in?"

Obi-Wan smacked the man on the head with the wet mop, and then he escaped down the corridor. Qui-Gon ran after his Padawan.

-

As Anakin finished his eighth drink of butterbeer, Harry began to realize that maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Padmé noticed this as well, and took the boy by the arm. "Come on, Annie, I think you've had enough butterbeer," she said gently. She gave the others a meaningful_ 'Let's go'_ look.

Harry stood up, quickly counting out how much he owed Madame Rosmerta. He placed the wizard coins on the table and followed Padmé and Anakin out.

The drinks had gone to Anakin's head and he was a bit crazy. He stumbled out of the Three Broomsticks, murmuring, "Cheese is good... I like cheese..."

Outside, two giggling girls who had been peering through the window raced over. "It's him! It's HARRY POTTER!" one squealed.

"Look! A butterfly!" giggled Anakin.

"Wheresa?" wondered Jar Jar, confused.

"Here and here and here..." Anakin mimicked capturing the imaginary butterflies. He tried to escape from Padmé's grip so he could catch the critters.

The second fan girl stopped and stared at the disillusioned boy and the Gungan. "Amy, they're evil and creepy! Come on!" she grabbed her friend and dragged her away.

Harry looked relieved as the fan girls ran away. "Well, at least they're gone. Let's go back to Hogwarts."

The group then trooped back in the direction of the school.

-

Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts, Qui-Gon had pursued Obi-Wan into the entrance hall and now Obi-Wan was explaining what had happened.

"The caretaker person found me and gave me detention for not wearing my Hogwarts uniform. Then he ordered me to wash all the dungeon floors." Obi-Wan smiled at his mop. "But I found a friend now."

"Padawan, that's a mop."

"So?"

Their conversation was interrupted as the grand doors burst open dramatically. A tall, cloaked man stood in the doorway. He radiated with the Dark Side.

The man slowly lowered his hood, revealing a bald head with a crown of horns and a red-and-black tattooed face. He leered at the Jedi and pulled out an elongated lightsaber hilt.

Qui-Gon raised his own lightsaber. Obi-Wan reached for his own weapon but found it missing. Rapidly improvising, he braced his mop.

Before the man, a Sith named Darth Maul, could move, Jar Jar ran in screaming. He slammed into Darth Maul, who, shocked, fell down and was trampled beneath the Gungan's feet. Harry and the others entered, and Hermione quickly cast the body-bind spell on Jar Jar.

Then, Padmé stepped on something squishy. Still hanging onto Anakin, she glanced down and yelped in horror.

"Oh! Oh!" She jumped off the Sith's back.

Anakin frowned at Darth Maul. "His head is ugly. It needs HAIRSPRAY!"

Before anyone could stop him, Anakin yanked his arm away from Padmé and raced toward a group of students huddled by the wide stairs, staring at the strange people. Anakin took a pink bottle from one student and ran back just as Darth Maul raised himself off the floor.

PSSSSSSSH!

Anakin sprayed the hairspray in Darth Maul's face. Everyone gaped for a moment. Darth Maul blinked slowly. His face was splattered with bright pink.

Anakin peered at the bottle. "Oops. This is spray paint."

Darth Maul snarled and leaped forward to strangle Anakin. Qui-Gon pushed Anakin out of the way, holding his emerald blade at Darth Maul's neck.

The Sith seemed surprised. He reached down for his lightsaber, but it was missing. He looked panicked. Darth Maul's eyes flicked around the room. Then he grinned maliciously and held out a hand.

Instantly, the ax from a suit of armor flew into Darth Maul's grasp. He knocked Qui-Gon's weapon out of his hand. Before the Sith could attack again, Obi-Wan appeared, slapping Darth Maul with his mop.

Padmé forced her eyes away from the battle to see that Anakin was spraying a message on the ground. She frowned as she deciphered it. "I heart P-A-D..."

Her eyes widened and Padmé grabbed Anakin by the arm. "Stop!"

Anakin paused from making the 'M' and looked up at her. "Why?" he sounded hurt.

Padmé melted at the puppy-dog-eyes look. She knelt down and hugged Anakin.

"Never mind, Annie..."

In the meantime, Qui-Gon was looking for a suitable weapon, seeing as some students had stolen his lightsaber.

He saw the three students Anakin had stolen his spray paint from near the stairs, painting something in purple: 'Potter Stinks". Qui-Gon called on the Force to draw the second bottle of spray paint toward him. The students, one a blond boy and the two others larger boys, looked terrified.

Qui-Gon grabbed the spray paint and ran back to the battle. "Ready the ship!" he shouted to Ric Olié.

The pilot nodded and he, Harry, Ron, Hermione (levitating Jar Jar), and the rest of the Naboo sprinted outside, to move the ship off the Hogwarts grounds.

Qui-Gon turned his attention to the fight. Darth Maul was slowly backing Obi-Wan up the stairs. The Jedi Master used the Force to leap forward and land directly behind Darth Maul. He raised the spray paint.

PSSSSSSSSSSH!

The Sith's robes were now a vibrant purple. Darth Maul growled and whirled around. However, he forgot that Obi-Wan had a weapon.

Obi-Wan swung his mop, hitting the Sith across the back of the head. Darth Maul's yellow eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell forward, unconscious.

Qui-Gon stepped out of the way as Darth Maul hit the round with a THUD. The Jedi Master smiled at his Padawan.

"Good work, Obi-Wan. Come, now we must return to our ship."

The two Jedi strode down the steps to the entrance.

Suddenly, the caretaker ran up to them, panting. "DETENTION!" he gasped.

Obi-Wan's aquamarine eyes flashed warningly as he raised his mop.

"That fiend is the true trouble," Qui-Gon interrupted calmly, indicating Darth Maul. The caretaker turned, glancing warily at the limp figure of the Sith.

"You will let us go now," Qui-Gon continued as the caretaker glared back at him and Obi-Wan. The Jedi Master waved his hand surreptitiously.

"I will let you go now," the caretaker agreed blankly.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan swept out of Hogwarts. They saw Harry, Ron and Hermione carefully levitating the Nubian across the yard.

Soon after, the crew had the ship ready for takeoff. They had the ship resting just outside the Hogwarts boundaries. Everyone said their goodbyes to the trio of students who had aided them.

Now Harry, Ron and Hermione stepped back, staring at the ship in awe as the engines started. The ramp began to rise.

Qui-Gon stood in the doorway. His Padawan joined him, saying, "Everything is ready, Master."

Qui-Gon turned and realized Obi-Wan was still holding his beloved mop.

"Padawan, must you keep the mop?"

"WHAT?" Obi-Wan shielded his mop protectively. Qui-Gon rolled his eyes.

"And you get annoyed with my 'pathetic lifeforms'," he muttered.

"What did you say, Master?"

"Nothing, Padawan."

At that moment, Anakin charged by, chasing Jar Jar. The Gungan was screaming, as usual.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Obi-Wan as first Jar Jar, then Anakin crashed into his mop. The wooden mop shattered.

Obi-Wan flopped down on the floor, sobbing.

"Padawan, it's just a mop!"

"No, it was my best friend!" he wailed.

-

Somewhere inside the castle, Darth Maul woke up to find himself lying on the hard stone floor. Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet. He noticed a filthy man standing next to him, grinning.

Darth Maul glared at the man. The man just grinned wider, thrusting a mop and a bucket of water at the Sith.

Darth Maul took a step back, staring at the mop in horror. Then he fainted.

The End

* * *

Author's Note: Don't ask why Obi-Wan is obsessed with mops.


End file.
